My God...there are still 3 more GOP debates scheduled

I would like to propose to the GOP that the next GOP primary debate, scheduled at The Fox Theater in Detroit on March 3rd, be changed to a more appropriate venue like a neighborhood playground where the boys can enjoy hours of contests especially designed to test their prowess.

Not only would this be more entertaining, it would be far more insightful of their character and leadership ability. As it is now, they only stand on stage and wave their hands around and talk over each other. I’m not interested in what they say…I want to see what they can do. There could be a series of tests they could perform:

1. Hair pulling contest

   No holds barred in this one. Grab a handful of your opponents hair and pull as hard as you can. He who pulls the most roots, wins.

2. Wedgie contest

   What boy doesn’t like to give his opponent an ass splitting wedgie? Go ahead and use both hands for maximum effect. Special awards are given if the shorts are pulled up over your opponent’s head.

3. Spitting contest

   Who can hurl a loogie the farthest and most accurate? The eye is the target.

4. Ball punching contest

   Last, but not least, no boy can resist the urge to land a solid punch on the jewels of his rival. It must be a solid punch and no holding allowed.

Some ground rules:

1. No biting
2. No kicking
3. No crying

First one who screams like a little girl, looses.